Same Sex Marriage

https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng

              I think everything we need to know about marriage and family can be found in the above proclamation. It is beautiful and powerful and a revelation from God.

How do I feel about same sex marriage?  For a long time I wasn’t sure.  I knew that same sex marriage and relationships are morally wrong but why shouldn’t we allow same sex couples to have legal rights just like traditional couples who love each other?  I have learned a lot about why same sex marriage should not be legal.  

            I think the biggest concern for me is the loss of religious freedom.  It is upsetting to me to see that because a group of people are being given the right to marry others are being asked to compromise their own moral convictions because of threats to their jobs and businesses.  My husband was called to be our Bishop about a year ago.  When the gay marriage act was passed over the summer I became very concerned about what that could mean for my husband.  We live in a fairly liberal city and there are plenty of people who are gay.  I worried that if my husband refused to marry a same sex couple what that could mean for him and for our family.  I know that he could surrender his license to perform a marriage but I would hate for him to be in that position.  To me it isn’t fair at all. 

            It made me sad to read the reports of Catholic charities having to shut down their adoption businesses because they were being threatened by the gay community.  Catholic charities does so much good for the community and now it is put at risk.  At what point will the gay community realize the damage that is being done?

            I am also very concerned about the effect that gay marriage will have on our future society.  Without stable home life provided by a mom and a dad children lose a sense of identity and look for it in gangs and violence.  This is scary and sad to me.  It isn’t fair to the future generation.

            Is there a way to make both sides happy?  I don’t know.  It does seem to me that since gay marriage has been legalized there needs to be laws passed to protect those who oppose it.  It is just a cycle of laws and new laws and it seems like a big mess.

            I know that same sex marriage will always be an issue.  I think for me the most important thing is that I am tolerant without compromising my standards.  My cousin married his partner in New York City a year ago.  He knows that I don’t agree with his choice but he also knows that I care for him and want him to be happy.  A few months ago a gay couple moved in around the corner from us.  They met my next door neighbor and expressed concern to her about the Mormon family (us).  They were worried that we would oppose them and even mentioned that they were afraid we would protest and try to have them move.  My neighbor assured them that they had the wrong idea about Mormons.  When I told my husband about this he took a fresh loaf of bread that I had just baked and went to Kent and Rob’s house.  He didn’t say anything about our religion or how we felt about them being a couple.  He gave them the bread and welcomed them to the neighborhood and then asked for a tour of their house.  (They had done some extensive remodeling).  A few days later our family was on a walk.  Kent and Rob were driving by and they stopped their car and got out to meet me and my children.  We learned that Kent is from Vermont where I served my mission.  I told him all about it.  I am happy to say that now Kent and Rob are my friends.  Do we agree?  Not at all.  Does that matter?  Not at all.  

Divorce

                                       

    I am so grateful that my life has not been directly affected by divorce.  My parents have been happily married for 49 years.  I grew up in a very safe and loving environment.  I am now married to a great man who is a wonderful husband and a great Dad.  We have three children and we are very happy. 

            One of my best friends is going through a very difficult divorce.  She and her husband were very happily married for almost twenty years.  Her husband was in an accident several years ago and he became addicted to pain killers.  It has been awful to watch his actions slowly destroy their family.  Their oldest son just left for a mission and seems to be doing well but the other three are sad and hurting.  Although divorce is unavoidable at times it is so difficult for the children.  Children are the ones who truly suffer when parents choose to divorce.  I think it is important to put the needs of the children first. Unless there is serious damage done to a person’s mental state then they should do everything they can to work out the relationship. 

            Some of the best marriage advice I was given came from my stake president.  When my husband and I went to meet with him before we got married he counseled us to always pray together and hold hands.  He said that no couple had ever done this and still wanted to divorce.  It is very difficult to argue when you are holding hands.  I think also attending the temple can greatly strengthen your marriage. 

            I feel very secure in my own marriage.  My husband and I love each other and are very best friends.  We are raising a child with autism and I think this can either make or break a couple.  For us it has made us.  Our son has strengthened our marriage in many ways.  Most of all we have to communicate.  If our communication breaks down then so does our son.

            My biggest want is for my children to always be happy.  I hope and pray that my children will find loyal and kind spouses.  I loved the talk from Elder Oaks titled, Divorce.  He gives great counsel to those who have been divorced and to those who are going through a divorce but my favorite advice was given to those who are not yet married when he said, “The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well.”  I also know that I need to raise my children to be the kind of person that I want them to marry one day.  I need to teach them to be committed and to serve and sacrifice.