seek to understand

 I think one of the most important things in a marriage is seeking to understand your spouse.  My husband is not a slob but he is also not very tidy.  Early in our marriage this bothered me.  I wanted him to be more organized and to help more with housework.  I learned to deal with it and I tried really hard not to let it bother me.  One weekend his mom came for a visit.  She pulled a kitchen chair into our family room so she could get a better look at our twin babies.  I decided to experiment and see how long that kitchen chair would sit in my family room.  It sat there for four days.  FOUR DAYS and I am the one that finally moved it.  I couldn't handle it anymore.  I learned something from this.  My husband wasn't raised in a super tidy home.  It was clean and there was a lot of love but there were also 7 kids.  There was always something going on and the house was a war zone.  I have learned to appreciate the untidiness of my husband.  Yes I still wish he cleaned up more but I am so grateful that he doesn't care what state the house is when he gets home.  He doesn't care if things are perfect and if I tell him he gets cold cereal for dinner he doesn't care.  I have friends who are not so fortunate.  I will take my untidy, fun-loving man any day over a control freak  one.

I think seeking to understand our spouse is a fun adventure.  I learn a lot about my husband when I try to understand how he feels or what he is going through.  Last night my husband came home in a rotten mood.  At first this bothered me and I felt like he should just snap out of it.  Then after I asked him a few times to tell me what was wrong he confided that a woman had called him on his way from work.  She is someone from church.  He told me that he has never had anyone say such hateful mean and vulgar things to him.  I don't know who it was but he told me he has done everything he can for her but she hates him.  My frustration with him quickly turned to sorrow.  I wanted then to comfort him and I just hugged him and expressed my confidence in him as a Father a man and a Bishop.  

I like the quote from Goddard that says, "Very often our self-sufficiency gets in God’s way.  In the spirit of humility, we listen to our partner and we listen to God.  We replace despair with an enlarged openness to Christ-like goodness.”  I believe that as we listen to God with full humility we can better understand our spouse and be able to strengthen our relationships.  

I have learned over the years that my husband is not perfect.  Neither am I but my husband is perfect for me.  I love this picture. 

It pretty much sums up our marriage.  Life is an adventure.  There are treacherous waters all around us just like this waterfall.  Somehow my husband manages to keep me laughing through all of it.  I don't remember what he said or did to make me laugh like this because he makes me laugh like this all the time.  He is my happy place and I love him.