When I was engaged to my husband I became very nervous about
my wedding night. I had heard stories about couples who had suffered from
horrible feelings of guilt. It seemed
confusing to some that what was wrong one day could be totally sacred the
next. I didn’t want this kind of an
experience so I began to pray and ask for peace about my upcoming wedding
night. I was already endowed and was
able to attend the temple often. I received
a great deal of understanding about intimacy as I attended the temple. I began to see intimacy as a way of
communication. I also felt very strong
that sexual intimacy was a way that we could be Godlike. It is through sex that life is created. This is why sexual intimacy is so sacred and
should not be exercised before a couple is legally married.
I think the reason sexual intimacy becomes a problem in marriage
is because Satan knows how sacred the act is.
He uses it against us by enticing us to engage in sexual acts prior to
marriage but as soon as a couple becomes legally married he uses in a different
way. He wants us to turn away from our
spouse intimately and instead turn to another.
I have heard of people using sex as a tool. This is unfair. I think that this behavior is selfish and
shameful. However, I also don’t believe
that a woman (or a man) should have sex when they are not feeling loved or
accepted by their spouse. Once a woman
came to speak to our relief society. She
told us that we should just give in to our husbands. She said that sex is important to men so we
should just give it to them to keep them happy.
I have heard Dr. Laura say the same thing. While I truly respect both of these women and
love listening to them speak I do not agree with their opinions about this type
of attitude. I don’t think a woman or a
man should ever have sex with their spouse just to keep them happy. I don’t really think this is being honest.
Brent Barlow described sexual intimacy by saying, “When we
see sexuality as a vital part of marital harmony and happiness, it becomes more
than something we simply give or receive. I like to think of it as something a
husband and wife can share.” I like this
description. Intimacy is definitely something
that we share not something that we give up.
If a couple respects each other then they will approach intimacy with
respect towards one another. It will be
an enjoyable and bonding experience.
There are many different types of intimacy and many ways we
can show love and affection. It is the
little things that make for a better intimate connection. When my husband helps me with housework and
is aware of the needs of the kids I feel connected to him. I know he is tired at the end of the day but
when he helps clean up and do dishes it shows that he is mindful of my long and
exhausting days as well. On the wall
above our bed we have the words ‘always kiss me good-night’. Sometimes we are tired and sometimes we are
frustrated sometimes we are angry or sad but no matter what happens during the
day I think it is important to always kiss good-night. A simple kiss or even a
warm hug can send a message of security and reassurance that all is well. My husband always kisses me before he leaves
for work. My kids act like this is the
grosses thing every. I know they love
it. It tells them that Mom and Dad love
each other and everything in our home is good.
I think it is important for my kids to see my husband and I show
affection to each other. We hold hands
and they all know that my place on the couch is next to dad.
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